Thoughts About Thrash Unreal

Rebel Yell was released in October of 1983.  I was born on July 9^th of 1982.  Thrash Unreal was released on July 10^th 2007, one day after my 25^th birthday.

I was already an addict.

I was addicted to many things; liberal arts and counterculture wars, alcohol, sex, arguments with people who didn’t know their history, and voting.  Alcohol should probably be first on that list.  When this song came out, it flew over my radar.  It wasn’t until I heard it done acoustically and broadcast on 102.1 the Edge that I fell in love with it.

Since then, I find it to be more and more incredible.

Let me tell you why.

I recently watched a YouTube video of a first time reaction to the song.  The reactor was questioning whether the song was sexist because of the line ‘no MOTHER ever dreams that her DAUGHTER is going to grow up to be a junkie.’.  This is a fair attempt at commentary, and I’m going to grant that this YouTube commentator didn’t realize that the singer was pre-transition, and that they now go by female pronouns and are named Laura Jane Grace.  It got me thinking.

‘They don’t know nothing about redemption; they don’t know nothing about recovery’ she sings.

I do, and I don’t.  I was involved in a car accident in 2019 that resulted in a four car pile up.  I blew .310.  That is an astounding amount of alcohol to have in your system.  I should have been unconscious.  Instead, I was THIS close to walking away from the accident; that’s how convincing I was with that level of alcohol.  I went into a private treatment center for 30 days.  I came out and went right back to drinking.

I was out at a small dive bar in Brantford last weekend and gave a 20 year old woman my phone number on a piece of paper like an asshole, told her a joke.  ‘Hey, did I tell you about these shoes I bought?  Got them off a drug dealer.  I don’t know what they’re laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day’.  Super charming, right?  I then immediately turned around, tripped on those shoelaces, and full out 100% faceplanted onto pavement.  I bled for twenty minutes, while apologizing to everyone.  And then was served another round of drinks.

I’m 40.

I don’t know nothing about recovery because I’ve never recovered.  There’s a reason I still don’t have a driver’s license.  I went to bed that night, like an idiot, with a concussion, and didn’t take myself to a hospital until the next day.  Nothing was broken, luckily, but I was clearly confused, concussed, and my pupils weren’t dilating.

The next day, in pain, while waiting for x-rays, I started thinking about this reaction video.  I started thinking about a conversation I was having the night before I fell, with my father and his friend.  We were discussing Florida’s ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill.  These gentlemen were super interested in the topic, but didn’t see what the real problem was.  ‘Just don’t come out to kids’ was the underlying thread.

I said to them ‘Anyone who discloses marital status “comes out”.  They just tend to “come out” as “straight”.’  I will never forget the looks on their faces as the lightbulb finally came on.

Against Me’s Thrash Unreal is about hidden disabilities, or differences, or the things people choose not to disclose about themselves.  The fact that this YouTube reactor’s take-away was a sexist reading of the song isn’t a reflection of the YouTube reactor.  It is a reflection of what we call ‘institutional’ or ‘systemic’ or ‘any other words for expectations based on power structures’.  Thrash Unreal is the opposite of sexist; it is a scream for help from people who are not seen, who don’t feel like they are listened to, and turn to problematic solutions for a release. 

I hope one day, for me, this night is gonna end.  But it won’t, until I am damn well ready.

WillCJ

April 6, 2022